Monday, 31 March 2014

Fun stuff

I desperately need a tan.
Why can I see lines, then try to snap and not see?
At least I'm feeling leaner.

Now, just for some fun stuff.


Giving Up Control

It's sort of been reflection time.
Coach likes for us to do that.
She recommends journalling, which I like to do.
I keep a paper journal for all of my crazy, over thinking and such.

In all of this processing, I've come to realize something.
It's nice to relinquish control.
I've touched on that thought before.
One of the things that I really love about competing
(for all of my whole 2 preps)
is not having to worry or think about things.
Coach takes control.
Yes, I control that I make sure that I do what I'm instructed.
I get handed over meal plans, workouts, strategies.
I just have to put it into action.
I really love that.

Then, I realized that my work is sort of like that too.
I mean, yes, I work for myself.
It's really nice getting to take control of how much work that I take in and controlling my schedule and flexibility.
The actual work?
I get handed notes, drawing requirements, directions, etc.
I don't have to worry about too many aspects, except getting it done on a timeline.
Just follow directions and produce said finished product.
Then, get paid, nice.

Sure, there are times, that I have to decipher meaning from documents, translate stupid legalese, or do calculations to make sure things close mathematically.
It's not as though I'm a complete dufus or totally lazy.
It's just a weight to not have to take complete control all of the time.
There was a time that I did have to control a ton and supervise other folks as well.

When, I did or have too, well my brain likes to go insane with "what if's".

So, during this process, giving up control was something that I learned to do and that made the whole thing easier.

Now, 12 days to go.
The End.


Wednesday, 26 March 2014


I lied.
I broke down and tried to catch some selfies.
I couldn't take it.
Not as detailed as I'd like to be now.
Oh well, it's a process, right?
Yep they are muppet unders!
 So, here's where I'm at in natural light, pasty white and all.

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Converging ~ Music, Books, Life

I really had a "Holy Shit" moment.

You all know my love of smut and love of music.
I've been trying to find the right song for my routine.
Then, I heard one on the radio last week.
I finally found it and who it's by.
During the same time, I finally downloaded this book that I had wanted to read by an author that I follow.
Let's just say both brought up a ton of commonalities in my life.
This is not meant to by cryptic in any way.
Maybe one day, I'll unload, but I never have to anyone and probably never will.
 But who would have thought a good dirty, BDSM, corny novel would have struck me so personally with part of the story?
Funny, no?

I'm reading

Her main character, Gabrielle, and I could have matching pasts, except I'm not a tall, rich, glamorous blonde.
Well, now I'm blonde, and that's all thanks to a bottle of bleach! ;)
Oh, and no billionaire!
But, her past relationship and some of the things she did?
Yeah, that times probably 12 for me.
It's kind of uncanny, her "stuff" and baggage.
  I've mentioned that I never expected to live past 30, and really I shouldn't have as results of another's and my own many, many actions.
In fact, I did far too many things to have gotten out and be awarded this life.
I know some things that you don't
I've done things that you won't
(from the song) 
 I don't even know how to articulate what I'm trying to get across.
Part is that I've always had this great way of masking myself and keeping my outside looking calm, innocent, and unaffected.
 I'm sure people think that I'm quite naive and lived a pretty squeaky clean and carefree life.
 Little do any know how fucked up I am or was.
I hide it well.

I heard this song by Sixx:A.M.
Yep Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue's new band.
It's called "Life Is Beautiful."
The lyrics got me, and the music too.

Both the book and song brought up a ton from the past that I usually like to forget about.
It's just weird how it all hit at the same time.
This song, yeah, I love it now.

Leaving you with the song with lyrics and the regular video.
Just enjoy.


Monday, 24 March 2014

20 effing Days...

So close!
Guess who the guest poser is?
Yep, Branch Warren!
I'm hoping that I get to watch and am not backstage when he's up.
Really, I'd love to see Trish Warren live - ya know, my Fitness category love will never cease.

Want to know what's funny?
I'm okay with the diet still.
Sure things are changing.
I mean, Friday my steak got taken out of the equation.
I'm a little sad, but I got to have it nightly if I wanted up until the 3 weeks out.
That's not too shabby!

I am, however, having weird cravings.
We went to do some grocery shopping and I passed by this.
 Now, I haven't had a donut in probably 6 or more years.
But, I got such the envie looking at them!
I don't think it helps that a VooDoo Doughnut just opened and I've been inundated with friends' images of tasty confections on my Facebook newsfeed.
So, I took a picture to drool over for now.
In all actuality, I probably wouldn't even go for a doughnut after the show.
I hear that Sara bakes treats for the girls competing for afterwards.
I sure hope that's true!
From the recipes she's told me about baking for her friends and fiance', well, let's just say YUM.

I am looking forward to actually having a coach there and other ladies that I know.
Last time, I was all by my lonesome trying to be pleasant and chat with anyone.
I did meet some really nice ladies, but this time seems like it will be FUN!
I love the ladies on my team.
We all share a warped, dirty sense of humor too.
It will be nice to have others to keep nerves at bay and to laugh with.

We know that I have always loved coffee.
It seems that as I get closer, I love it more, haha.
I'm sure it's that I am tired and exhausted because I need that extra cup when I get home from morning gym time.
Soooo yummy and gives me a little perk up.

I wish, though, that I were feeling a little more confident.
Brett Seeley offered our team some deals on photos after the show.
Have you seen his stuff?
Click and go check out his amazing work!
I'm kind of obsessed with his black & white nudes.
Here's an example
It's Sara by Brett.
 Wish I were feeling like I could pull it off.
One day though, I totally want to book a session with him.

Okay, here's a little portion that may be TMI:
 I kept hearing people talking about exercise and increased libido.
Never believed it because I've been exercising for years and nothing special happened.
I have to admit, this past year, with the increased weight lifting and heavier schedule of intense weight training (I mean totally different from the training I used to do)
Yeah, it happened.
So, I'm going to go with truth on that!


Friday, 21 March 2014

A Little Friday Fun

Since I seem to be doing this every other day,
the song has been stuck in my head.
So every time, I'm
Choppin' Broccoli!

3 weeks

Tonight is team training and posing practice which means a super long day.
I won't get home from that unit around 11pm.
This also means, weight, pinching & pictures.
It's a leg workout which means we take over the leg room in the back of Armbrust and Sara becomes a sadist, lol.
Oooh, and the new women's locker room is finished too!
Tomorrow, I know that I will barely be able to move.
I must be a slight masochist though because I love that DOMS pain, haha

Coffee loves me, and I it.
Today there shall be copious amounts.
I am super lucky, though. Yesterday, I went to my friend's house and picked this baby up.
I can now do cardio at home!!!
Oh my gosh, how this has made me so excited. The sucker even folds up!
You gals know how wonderful this is when you don't have to leave at night to go back out for round 2 of cardio?
Or super early in the morning?

Oh, also yesterday, was S and my 10 year anniversary.
He wanted to take me out for dinner and such, but 3 weeks out?
We'll save it for when I am able to indulge.
But how awesome is he?
He gifted me with black diamond earrings and a black diamond pendant, both set in white gold.
He said black diamonds, as black as my soul, ha! 
We joke, maybe.
(Last year from my birthday, but we still look the same)

Wednesday, 19 March 2014

How Lucky Am I & 3 weeks and a few days left!

That's right, 3 weeks and a few days.
I'm a little freaked out, ya know, because it's creeping up on me faster and faster!!

You gals know how it goes as you get this close.
The cardio increases, food changes..... carbs are a cycling.
I have even gotten to the point where there's not even tinted moisturizing going on in the morning.
I just fall out of bed, eat Meal 1, wash my face, brush my teeth, and go to the gym.

I will admit, I am exhausted.
Thoughts of bananas, peanut butter, and avocados dance across my mind.
Is that weird?
I just want to snuggle under the covers and not move for a day.
I would love an Old Fashioned or a nice glass of absinthe.

I made a comment the other day about how it would be a dream to have a treadmill or something in the house for the next month.
Guess what?  One of my friends is letting me borrow hers!
She owned a gym and a wrestling association here.
When she sold it, she kept some of the equipment.
Guess who's going to pick that up maybe tomorrow?
Oh my gosh, pure heaven not having to try and get to the again gym in the evening or bust out 2 rounds of cardio and weights all in one visit!!!!
Isn't it crazy what makes me all happy?
Or I can roll out in my pj's and knock out morning cardio and not worry about rushing to the gym or getting caught in the morning rush.

 May I point out an interesting phenomenon at the gym lately?
Flirting from some of the men?
I'm not used to it.
It's strange.
Even when I was single, men never flirted with me, or very, very rarely.
And I will point out that I wear my wedding band too.

I'm still abstaining from selfies.
It's super hard because I want to snap and compare.
Friday, I'm tempted to ask and see some comparisons from Coach.
Oh, and I think, starting next week we're going 2x a week for out posing sessions.
Long way to travel, but good because that damn front abdominals pose is my nemesis right now.  I just am having a hard freaking time nailing it.
And the 2 routines.....

Excitement & dread all rolled into one
looking forward to my awesome body being revealed! 

And the band that I've been obsessed with but has been spurring me on through cardio:

Thursday, 13 March 2014

30 days

30 flipping days.
It really creeps up on you.
I quit taking any pictures myself quite a while back, body-wise.
However, coach has been taking them every 2 weeks, give or take a day or two.
I have to say that I am super curious to see what I actually look like.
I'm even more curious to compare pictures after this comp to the one 2 years ago.
I'll be wearing the same suit, so this should be interesting.

I have to say that I am feeling better about myself.
Heck, I've even sprung for some new, frilly under-things!
Sure, I still have my fun, whacky, character underpants, but now I have some class-ay ones too!
I have been browsing the stripper store a little more too, ~wink~.
They have some hot little stretch-y summer dresses.
It may be my summer to dress like a ho.
In fact, I did say that and one of the girls was like, "So how is that any different from now?"
I love that they are just as sarcastic and have the same humor as I do.

The point is that I have been feeling more confident in my skin, even if my rump has ripples & dipples still.
Years to build the wonderful booty for me, well, I'll do it!

But seriously, I bought short shorts.
I plan to wear them to the gym the week after.
I have no clue why I am so freaking self-conscious of my legs.
Trying to get over that.
My wonderful friend was kind enough this week to tell me that she thought that my booty looked higher and tighter.
God, I LOVE her!

Coach posted this of Justine Munro for booty inspiration:

I'm all like, "Um yes PLEASE!!!"
See, I'm obsessed with ass lately.
Since it's my weakest point, I plan on eventually making it my greatest ass-set, heh.

I know it won't be where I want it in 30 days, but it will be better than last time and improvement is improvement!

Now, I must go search "that ass" on pinterest for a while.......



Monday, 10 March 2014

You're so vain.....

No, not you, but me.
Actually, a friend back home asked how I do the workouts, diet, competing?
How do I stay consistent.
And I told her that I was getting vain and freaked out.
It keeps me feeling better about myself.
There's one of my horrible truths.
Lately, I've been obsessing about looks and what happens with the aging process.
I'm not sure what's wrong with me.
I mean, I still feel like I'm in my late 20's.
And most times, I don't feel like I look as old as I am.
Then, I hit a reflection and am like, "Holy shit, it's happening...."
I don't have delusions about "beauty" for myself.
I often think the way Isabella Blow did.
Playing up other attributes to deter from others.

I want to age gracefully,  but still be bad-ass.
I know, I'm being totally weird.
Honestly, I never thought I'd live past 30, so to be coming up to 41 is really creeping me out.
The freaky thing is I'm really happy about it, but can't quite grasp the concept, and I kind of want to go back and re-do some of my youth.
Crazy, right?

Okay, enough with the self-obsession of aging.
But she is a rock star!

Good news is that I'm still losing the fat like crazy.
The "pounds" are not coming off quickly, but if she's not concerned with the actual weight on the scale, neither am I.
Okay, that's a lie.  I'm a little concerned, but I think that has to do with a lifetime of the "losing weight" idea being beat into my head.

Have you guys seen the Jelly Bean Trident gum?
One of the other girls found it.
I think I have to go in search of it this week.
Jelly Beans and Twizzlers are my go to comfort junk.
But I haven't had either in almost a year.

I have, though, been eating so much that I feel that I alone have probably finished off a small farm of chickens, turkey, beef and salmon.
Sorry critters, I really do feel guilty.
I have been getting really creative with the chicken and ground turkey since I consume copious amounts of it all day long.
Pasta may be my cheat meal after.
Ah, a little less than 5 weeks and I can have pasta!
If I don't change my mind before then, haha.


Monday, 3 March 2014

It's Lundi Gras

What are the perks for living in Colorado while still working for 2 companies in the metro New Orleans area?
Well, I get off for Lundi Gras and Mardi Gras still!
Whoop, whoop!

Going to crank up some music and clean my house, read, and relax after my gym sessions in the morning.
Mini stay at home vacation for me.

Did I tell ya'll that I've been running again?
Well, maybe it's more like jogging because I'm only running at 5.5-5.6 mph for my sessions.
I throw in some sprints for a minute or so at 7mph or above, but I feel like my little munchkin legs are going to fly from beneath me.
Once I got back in my groove, I remembered how much I used to love running.
Back home, my friends and I used to go do a fun 5k or 10k every weekend.
Of course, back in New Orleans at the finish line there was free beer and food and live bands waiting for you.
They truly were fun runs.

I've only been running about 5 miles a day when I do run.
I've either been running or stair monstering it.
It feels good though.
I crank up my angry, fast music and lose myself and just zone out.
Once I'm done, I just feel like a weight is lifted and I feel lighter the rest of the day.
 So there's some useless info for you. 
This Friday, I'm headed up to Wheat Ridge to the Mile High Mecca again.
I was up there two Fridays ago for posing practice.
While we were in the group room, guess who walked right past me into one of the offices?
This guy right here:
 "The Gift" Phil Heath.
He was training someone.
We're usually there after the gym closes on our team training and posing night.
He was too, training afterward.
You wanna go run up and be all fan-girl and ask for a picture, but we contained ourselves and tried to act professional, while still doing a subtle ogle.
Can you blame a girl?